December 26, 2005 -- THE Patriots have been bound, gagged, chained in a weighted trunk, dropped deeper into the deep blue sea than any depth chart has ever gone and still have come up holding the AFC East title. So the Jets, playing out the string, can spare us the violin strings about what might have been.
They lost two quarterbacks, two offensive linemen, one receiver, and one linebacker before the team had played six games and have cried a river to 3-11. The Patriots will be wheeled into the Meadowlands tonight snarling on their gurneys, convinced whatever minor problems they have had en route to 9-5 are psychosomatic.
The Patriots lost Pro Bowl safety Rodney Harrison to a knee operation. The Pats say he's out for the season, which means we'll see him by the fourth quarter, just like we saw Tedy Bruschi, back six games from a stroke, playing almost as well as ever and at a different linebacking position.
We would be impressed had not Bruschi spent six weeks seeing cardiologists, wasting time deciding whether he was risking death. There were more important things to do, like defending a Super Bowl championship. Finally Bruschi came back, like Richard Seymour (out four games) came back, like Corey Dillon (missing virtually three games) and Kevin Faulk (gone eight games) came back, being the Frankenstein sequels that they are.
The mad scientist who re-invented the Patriots designed them with interchangeable and indestructable parts. Ted Johnson, an anchor of their all-time, three-time World Championship linebacking corps, retired. Defensive coordinator Romeo Crennel left to coach the Browns, offensive coordinator Charlie Weis took off to coach Notre Dame, leaving Bill Belichick minus left and right arms before they also took his legs, Harrison and Seymour, leaving just a head and a torso in a hooded sweatshirt where a head coach used to be.
They might as well remove the torso, too, the Patriots apparently needing only the head. Forty-four different players who have started at least one game have missed at least one. It boggles the mind, yet this Pats' defense continues to boggle great offensive minds.
Harrison's initial replacement, Guss Scott, landed on IR, before the Patriots tried James Sanders, Arturo Freeman and Michael Stone, before converting corner Randall Gay. He went on IR, too. Artrell Hawkins, a cornerback picked up off the street, is now playing safety on a team that has allowed 10 points in the last three games.
